I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Randomize
