Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Randomize
