My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize