There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
This house was built for laser tag.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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