i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
