I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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