did you get engaged???
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize