I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
