I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
