I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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