If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
