worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Randomize
