I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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