so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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