Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
