You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
