**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
hell yes lets make some ravioli
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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