can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
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I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
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Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize