just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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