Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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