Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
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