I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
