You smell like stripper and shame
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
