i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
