ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
