you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
