FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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