if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
