i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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