Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
