Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
