tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Randomize
