i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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