I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
