I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
