I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
whose parrot is this?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
