so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
