in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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