I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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