And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
