Plan B is the new Plan A
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
