I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize