Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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