May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
