I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
