You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
It's shark week go big or go home
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
