VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
