Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
