there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
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