imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
