Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
