she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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