Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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