I'm jealous of your bromance
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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