my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
