I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
