she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
