So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
