i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
