Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
