you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
i need some magic done to my vagina
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
