Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
