Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Randomize
