She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
