Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
