I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
