so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
