She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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