My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
