This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
