stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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