Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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