somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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