I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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