I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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