I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
