No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
