one might say we're banned from that church
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
